bertybertrand (bertybertrand) wrote in loveless_losers,
bertybertrand
bertybertrand
loveless_losers

Love_shy

So I've done a little light research into this whole 'Love-Shy' business and it's all really rather upsetting. A plethora of accounts from older people confirming how lonliness has rotted their lives, highlighted links with autism and association with terms like 'involuntary celibacy'.

Worse, the only way to overcome it is to 'just get over it' apparently. My problems are, I'm guessing, related to my parents divorce. It's an old chestnut, I know, but I think the memories of my parents arguing, the seperation whithin the house and the emotional fallout on both my Mother and Father have caused this.

Assuming it's just that I'm just some manner of high functioning AS sufferer. I have eaten the same thing for lunch for the past 4 years. I'm hoping that's not the case though.

Anyway, assuming my divorce hypothesis is right then that's a bit difficult to change. All that malarkey happened when I was 4; it's fundamental to who I am and in spite of the lonliness I really rather like who I am. I'm a nice guy who's never hurt anyone.

*sigh*

All the advice out there, little as there is, revolves around changing yourself. I'm an introvert with a little bit of a problem, that's all. When I was a kid I aped extroverted behaviour to get by in life and it was not a pleasant experience. I'm not going to do that again.

So that's it then I guess. Only, well, I DID have that relationship with that older woman. She did love me. I'm not going to give up yet even if the only happiness I'll ever get is being used as an emotional crutch. Well, I'll not give up today at any rate.
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